Before you get too worried, I’ll let you know that what I’m going to share really was a nightmare – the kind you have at night while you’re sleeping. It was a couple of nights ago, but the images and feelings have stayed with me, so I thought it was worth sharing. Those of you with allergic children can probably identify.

In my dream, I was talking with a friend when my son – lying on the couch and looking more infant-like than the toddler he is – stiffened his body and let out a sound of frustration. I was about to tell the friend that this is what he’s been doing lately, throwing these little fits, when I noticed how reddish his skin was. Suddenly raised dots, like pencil erasers, were covering his legs and arms. I lifted his shirt and saw the bumps covering his torso. In a panic, I demanded, “Say hi Mommy!” a routine we have that reassures me he’s still breathing. He was silent and stiff, eyes wide.

Suddenly, there was no fear or hesitation whatsoever about using the Epi-pen. In the dream, I quickly reached for the bag, knowing full well I was prepared to use it. That’s when I woke up.

I sat up in bed, mentally rehearsing what I would have done next. Take off the cap … jab the end into his thigh and hold it for ten seconds … remove it and rub the injection site for another few seconds … give him the Benadryl … call 911 … or do I call 911 before the Benadryl? What about putting the pen back in the safe container? That should happen after the call to 911, right? My heart pounding, I found it hard to go back to sleep.

At least now I trust I will be able to overcome my fear of the Epi-pen if needed. For that, I’m grateful for this dream.